The difference a year makes.

Hello all you beautiful creatures. 

So....it has been a year.

This space has been dormant, locked up, forgotten ....yes, for one year and one month. Last year I made the decision to tone-down my online presence, to enjoy a little privacy, and escape the stress that can sometime come with sharing so much of yourself with so many people. 

I've decided to revive this space- and with purpose.

Last year I shared my struggle with anxiety during a solo trip to Cuba. This year, I am experiencing a new struggle.  I've decided to share, as I did then, not only as a form of self-care for myself, but in a hope to help others, as well.  

But first, let’s recap a bit, shall we? Many things have changed in my world,  so allow me to bring you up to speed.

August 25^th, 2013 I turned 28...and it made me realize that 27 was the most beautiful, exiting, terrifying and amazing year of my life.  

I evolved. I stalled. I backtracked. I froze. I moved on, I changed, I evolved…

And I backtracked.

I cried. Laughed. Loved. Comitted. Ran. Hid. Shared. Reached out. 

Since I'm  being terribly cryptic , my year, in a very quick summary looked a little like this:

My short-lived career as a support worker exploded in my face. It proved to be horribly triggering for my anxiety. Also the company I worked for was just disgustingly immoral, unorganized and unprofessional. So, I quit. I accepted a job in the banking industry, with a very bright company where I felt instantly at-home. I can be myself, I’m appreciated, and I excel. 

27 became a magical number for me, because on April 27^th, at the age of 27^, I got married, after getting engaged on August 27^{th 2012.}  Our wedding was very small, non-traditional, quick, and perfect. 5 other people were present on my parent’s back patio, where we exchanged vows, rings , laughter and tears. We hopped  a quick flight down South to enjoy a warm and sunny honeymoon in the Dominican Republic. Everything was very last-minute, make-shift, casual, and I wouldn't change a thing. No matter how dark things get in my life, my wonderful husband is the one ray of sunshine that can always break through the clouds. He is truly my rock. 

Age 27 also saw :

-Nick and I lost one of our beloved pet birds, Agua. He passed away in my hands in January. We however, gained three new feathered family members (Norman Osbird, Brigitte Birdot, and Flyfree Bogart ) and our home is always full of happy song. 

-I gained 40 pounds and struggled with body image, emotional eating, and all those wonderful things...

- I started anti-anxiety medication for the first time in my life . Just before starting my new banking job in December, I finally reached out to my doctor, and admitted I needed some help. It worked for awhile, life was beautiful,  however, I ended up being terribly allergic to the medication, regressing horribly, and am now starting new medication. 

-I experienced crushing anxiety, loss, panic… and having my doctor putting me on medical  leave from my banking job.

With that last bullet point, you are right up to date- as I am currently typing from my couch, in my pyjamas, on my 4^th week of the above-mentioned medical/ stress leave.  I am a mess, but getting better , but I cannot deny is is  a struggle every day.

   

Sharing and writing  has been immensely therapeutic for me in the past. I’m turning to it again. I’ve decided to share my journey, much as I did last year.

I’m going to break my future posts down into weekly snapshots of my progress, or lack thereof.

So far, I’ve been sharing my journey with a smaller  group of friends online through Instagram and select facebook friends. The feedback has been very warm and encouraging. I’ve learned so much about friends and strangers who share this struggle , and we take solace in each other. I’ve been very honest and raw in sharing my ups and downs, and my self-care strategies.

Now, I’m going to review the last few weeks of photos…. And write.

So, I invite you  to read along.

Life is curiously circular and cyclical.... I’ve been here before, but things always change a slight bit.  Each time it is all the more profound and enlightening ... as well as terrifying. 

It’s good to be here again. I love you.

Xo


ps- 

For those of you not familiar with last year's Cuban entries, where I share my travel diary from my solo-trip, below are a few links to some posts, or you can search the tag "My Big Fat Cuban Vacation "
http://lenoralenoire.blogspot.ca/2012/04/my-big-fat-cuban-vacation-round-2.html

Stephanie