I haven't seen my mother since Christmas time...so what is the first conversation we sit down to have?
Why, debating the porn industry, of course!
Now, let me give you a little background about my mother. She was born and raised in a very small town in New Brunswick, called Bathurst- a tiny French town with nothing to do at all. She grew up poor, and weird. Tall, blonde, slim and blue eyed, she won the Miss Bathurst Pageant when she ran as a joke,much to the dismay of the popular rich girls who also ran. She is a strong, intelligent, extremely kind and giving person, with a sick and twisted sense of humour like my own (sometimes!). She has been with my father (the black haired once-upon-a-punk rocker) since highschool, they moved to Toronto, and had lil ol' me.
(Here is the best google result for Bathurst, New Brunswick... ha ha how very stereotypically-East Coast Canadian.)
(No, no one actually dresses like those lil kids on the back of the cart, that is just a tourist trap, recreating the "old days")
Oh did I mention her name is Sandra-Dee? She refuses to go by this name, insisting on Sandy instead. She was in highschool when Grease came out, and was teased endlessly....this lead me to never be allowed to watch Grease in the house growing up. Needless to say she wasn't too pleased when I revealed the cursive letters permanently inked into my forearm that spell out......Sandra Dee.....
All in all, I consider my mother to be the pinacle of womanhood and everything I could aspire to be in one way or another. Despite her occasional dabblings in crazy-town, I love her and admire her. She is extremely liberal in many ways....except her views on porn.
My dear mother is dead-set against the porn industry, saying that all porn is extremely degrading to women.
I remember growing up, exploring my sexuality, and becoming very curious about pornography...and vividly remember the extreme embarassement and shame I was made to feel when she found my porno stash. If only she knew just how big of a pervert her little baby girl turned out to be. (I had to play the "lets hide the mountain of sex toys/whips/canes/floggers/rope/chains/etc" game this morning before her arrival)
I have blossomed into an extremely liberal and forward-thinking woman. My mother often proclaims her pride for me, and encourages and supports me in all my alternative-lifestyle choices....but tonight, I hit a chord with her.
We started discussing Newfoundland's campaign to respect women. Mom automatically went on her tangent- "Well, that is great. will they destroy all the porno, too?"
No, mother. It is 2010. The porn industry has made leaps and bounds. I started to tell her about sexual activism. Those with alternative bodies and genders, using those bodies as sites of social change. The amazing work, particularly in the Trans community, and size-acceptance communities- giving voice to entire groups of people through the most basic and raw of human activities; sex.
Her face told it all : "Does not compute" .
Her confusion turned to anger and denial... claiming that it was all just money in the pocket of woman-exploiters.
Oh mommy. I love you...but times have changed.
The conversation has ended....for tonight.
I think I will make it my mission to show her the amazing things happening for women these days. I'm not saying I'm going to sit her down and show her an April Flores porn...no...that would be a tad too awkward, even for me...but I think I'll be doing some searching for the right literature to pass her way.
If anyone has any suggestions of some reading to push her way, by all means, hit the comment button below!
Thanks, as always, for reading.
xo
Lenora
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