"Nursing yet another mighty hangover, on the beach. Thank goodness for the cleansing powers of the sea. Last night I drank into the early morning hours with my new British friends. What a blessing they are. They invited me out fishing on Friday! Normally I would hesitate since it is a new situation and I don't know the parameters ,but I graciously accepted, and look forward to the adventure!"
What is a vacation without a little adventure? I made the right decision in accepting the invitation, as you will see in tomorrow's entry.
11am-
"This morning on TV in the lobby, I heard something powerful:
"The greatest journeys give you answers to questions you didn't even plan to ask."
That thought has stuck with me, hard. How true it is! I am so grateful and proud I took this trip- I have learned so much. I *have* been given answers to questions I hadn't even thought to ask. What a powerful statement...."
Most of the day on the 5th I floated around in the ocean, splashed around in the pool, chatted with people, and best yet- I didn't write or pick up my phone once during breakfast or lunch! I was feeling on top of the world.
Dinner time, however...would prove difficult for a whole different reason. To give you a little back story- last time I went to Cuba in January, I made friends with the hotel porter, "C" (I'm choosing to not share his full name out of respect of privacy). We kept in touch via email and texts, and made sure everything was set for my return trip. He was concerned I was travelling solo, and vowed to watch out for me. He was always the perfect gentleman, was very polite, and never crossed any lines. He never flirted, and would always shoo away flirty hotel workers if he noticed they were getting too forward. I was very grateful for his friendship, and on the 5th, I invited him out to dinner as a thank you. It turns out I was about to get more than I bargained for.
We went to a beautiful little restaurant on the beach, where they cook fresh-caught lobster on an open fire. It was delicious!
We talked about philosophy, our lives, my relationship with Nick and our future plans together...it was lovely! C was polite and everything was totally platonic. After dinner, we went for a walk on the beach, and a whole other side of him reared it's ugly head.
As I was dipping my toes into the water,he grabbed me and tried to kiss me. His fingers dug into my arms , hard. When I pushed him away, he got very angry. He began to yell. My heart began to race. He screamed at me " I've wasted so much time on you! Typing to you, texting you, making sure everything was good for your vacation,and you won't even touch me? I wasted SO MUCH TIME!" He started yelling at me in Spanish, and my eyes darted frantically around the beach for other people. My eyes met those of a concerned man walking with his children.
C's words really stung, and I began to yell right back. I told him I owed him nothing, I had a boyfriend, and if he thought I wasted his time, then not to allow me to waste anymore- and I began to storm off. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back, nearly causing me to lose my balance. I slapped him hard across the face. I told him to never speak to me again. He fell to his knees trying to apologize, and I turned and left. People around us were staring, and a woman approached me to ask if I was okay.
As I walked , fast and angry, down the beach, back to my room...heavy clouds were forming above. Just as I was reaching my room, lightening lit up the sky. I threw my arms up in the air and yelled " EXACTLY!" As I slipped my key card into the door, heavy rain began to fall. The universe was feeling exactly what I was feeling... I flung myself on my bed with my journal, and began to write feverishly.....
"Turns out C is an asshole...(insert a page of rambling about the already-explained situation).
He wasted his time?!? What a horrible thing to say to someone. He was so happy to see me when I arrived- it was genuine. He was probably just hurt that I turned him down. Maybe he was trying to be macho about it? It still hurts just the same...
I'm trying to be compassionate about it- he does live a hard life here, and did go out of his way to make me feel comfortable and safe. But, sex as a thank you? I don't think so.
This is another test. I'm mad, and hurt, but I'm going to try and utilize some of the things I've learned while here. Relax. Be compassionate, and let the water flow under the bridge. Normally I'd be a hot mess at a time like this . I'm surprisingly calm.
Yes, C is probably upset over the rejection, but he shouldn't have acted that way. He acted childish. As much as I dislike when people don't like me, I'm going to fight like hell to keep calm, and let this roll off my back. I will chalk this up to an unfortunate circumstance, but a learning experience none the less.
There. Having written a bit, I am completely calmed down, and ready to go spend some time with Terry and Leslie in the bar. How wonderful it is to have a better grasp on my emotions and anxiety!"
I couldn't believe how easy it was to calm myself down, and how unaffected I was in just a few minutes. Normally, I'd let a negative situation like that affect me deeply, dwell in it, take it far too personally...but being able to turn it around and see where C was probably coming from? It made it entirely easier. Later that evening when I was in the lobby, I saw C at the reception desk, his pant legs still sandy from when he threw himself to his knees. I felt no ill-will, no hatred...I just felt a bit sad for him.
I am incredibly proud of my progress into a happier, more positive, person.
I spent the early evening in the lobby bar with Leslie and Terry, as the house band went table to table , performing . The lobby has open-air sections, and the heavy rain flowed into the fountains and off of the roof. The sound of the rain added something magical to the music being played.
Tomorrow's entry will be beautiful. The highlight of my trip- my day out at sea, fishing! Stay tuned!
XO
Lenora
